Our Check list for new Muslim dads

Check list for new dads

We all know that our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) used to love his daughter Fatima (ra) and encouraged Sahabas to love their children and be kind to them. In Islam, fathers have a pivotal role to play in their childrens lives as a role model, a leader, care giver, comforter, provider and will be held accountable on the day of judgement for their role in the lives of their children. Knowing all this, the responsibility of a dad doesn’t just start once the child grows up, but starts even before she or he is born.
Some dads are sometimes unprepared for the arrival of the little one and generally perceive it to be all mom’s or mother in laws duty to take care of the baby absolving themselves from everything. They just like to look, kiss and buy stuff. However that is definitely not the case in Islam. Dads have to play a far greater role before and after the new one arrives.
While there are countless things a good dad and husband would do, here is basic guide to get your started!

Before

Make Dua
As the imam of the household, your responsibility is to make dua for the mother and child’s health and akhira, and make dua that Allah (sbt) make it easy for all of you to obtain Jannah and keep the unborn and mother away from the evil eye, and protect them from any harm of this world.
Partner up
Take care of your wife! Help her chose her OB and take her to her visits. Take an active role in understanding what the doctor has to offer as advice. Go for the ultra sound visits. Help her with a healthy diet selection, remind her of her prenatal vitamins, make sure that she is getting the comfort that she needs both inside and outside the house. Take the prenatal classes together, help her prepare for labor and pain management. Ask her how you can help with her pain. Your consideration and compassion should be at its height. You must be partner in this game and not just be a spectator.
Support
Help your wife in making the decisions whether it is going for an OB vs Midwife or deciding on breastfeeding. Get an understanding of what it means to breastfeed your child and what implications it may have on the lifestyle. Have these discussions with her and support her through it.
Finance
Dad, start planning on your budget. Understand what it will take to raise a kid, and support your wife through pregnancy. Start saving and planning for the days, months and years to come. Make sure you plan to provide your wife the support she needs during and after her pregnancy. This means buying many things that will help your wife’s job easier whether its buying breastfeeding supplies, furniture, that baby food blender etc. Discuss your finances with your wife and agree on what you both would like to spend on this new guest!
Prep-up
Build the crib, install the infant car seat, clean the house thoroughly and make the home baby proof. Get your checklist together. Help your wife with the shopping so she doesn’t need to do. You can do much of it online now. Finally make sure that your kitchen pantry is full, your baby checklist is complete and your over the counter medicines are stocked up as well. Take responsibilities for all of these because your wife may forget many of these due to her preoccupation with the little one coming.
Pack you bag and get ready
Help your wife with getting the baby bag ready. There is no shame in carrying the baby bag, in fact its the least you can do while your wife goes into labor. Fill up the gas tank each week before her due date so you are never out of gas on the final day. Make sure you are ready to head out the door on one call.

1. Baby basics (wipes,diapers,cream, pump, wash cloth, baby clothes, swaddle sheet etc)
2. You and wife’s Toiletries including pain killers
3. Two changes of clothes and PJ set
4. Cash for the vending machines and parking at the hospital
5. Snacks
6. Camera
7. Insurance cards
8. Cell phone and charger

Love and Mental support
Assure your wife of your support continuously. Make dua for her regularly and aloud when she is in labor. Be next to her throughout, hold her hand and kiss her hand/head when you can. She needs you at this point in time more than she will ever need you. Calm your wife down when you can, understand and acknowledge her pain and try to divert her attention by talking about the baby instead. Say to her what she wants to listen and that is about the baby all the time. Get her flowers Comfort her that her health is more important than anything else in this world. Talk about her fears and address them accordingly. Let her open up.

After

Continue to be a partner
Help your wife with taking care of the baby. Change the diapers, help with baby baths, take her to doctor visits. Hold the baby, feed her, burp her and put her to sleep even if it means holding her in your arms until she sleeps. You and your wife will need to plan the day and night out so that each of you can get their sleep. However, as a dad, you can take on less sleep than your wife, so giver her the opportunity to rest and catch up on sleep more. Learn to wash bottles properly, warm the milk and use the pump. You will need to help you wife with it. Take turns with every chore so your wife can focus on the baby and her own health
Protect them
As a dad and husband you have to think about protecting your wife and kids. Make dua all the time for their safety and health. That also means that you become proactive in ensuring that your house remains baby proof. Change your driving habits and be more calm and aware of baby’s presence. Stop taking unnecessary risks in life. Look out for the food you buy specially processed food. Make sure you are extra careful with the ingredients.  Providing a health diet is also a way of protecting your child and wife. All of these are little things that will help you build your connection with your baby.
Depression
Watch out for postpartum depression. Learn about it and talk to your wife and doctor if you see them. Show her admiration all the time. This depression can continue for over a year after birth. Let your wife open up and talk. Its not easy to over come this. Be there to listen. Appreciate her all the time, be kind and show affection towards her and the baby. Get her flowers and surprise her sometimes with small gifts!
Administrative
Remember to register your baby for her health card, birth certificate and any govt benefits that you have to apply for. Don’t wait for your wife to complete the forms. You take ownership of these tasks, including any appointment bookings with the doctor.
Take Pride in the Job
Be a proud dad who helps and goes up and beyond to help the wife and takes care of the baby. Research, read and learn. Help and watch your baby learn and grow. Discover new ways of helping your baby learn and play. Be proactive in doctors visits, keeping track of vaccination schedules, prescriptions etc.  Take pride in moving the stroller and carrying that pink baby bag! Don’t get be embarrassed when your baby cries out loud in public or vomits. Being parents is a blessing and its very normal for babies to cry and make a mess. Learn to be respectful to others while never being embarrassed for what a baby does in public.  muslimtoysanddolls.com is a charity site to help Muslims in need and it sells over 2,600 products for the whole family.it makes a great homeschooling resource to. The American Muslim Journal wrote a full page ad on my charity work.The United State Department interviewed me and wrote an article about my charity work with Muslims and published it on their website america.gov.Ponn Sabra owner of americanmuslimmom.com the largest online Muslim magazine in the world with one million unique views a year did two podcasts on my charity work with <Muslims.shop here and get great Islamic gifts and help Muslims in need. we sell over 750 Muslim dolls with hijab all different,200 Muslim handmade doll clothes with hijab,250 Eid decorations,250 Islamic decorations,Islamic and Arabic electronic toys,games,and puzzles.500 Islamic and Arabic childrens books,100 styles of handmade childrens prayer rugs,100 gold Allah necklaces, and much more.toll free business number 9787885028 toll free in the Virgin Islands,Mexico,Puerto Rico,Canada,and the USA please leave a message if noone answers.info@muslimtoysanddolls.com fee aman Allah,Sister Debbie Al-Harbi